We Kept It Safe And Slow,, Lucas ♥

[Mila Mika Eppolito]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,padding-left:16px; padding-top:0px; padding-right:0px; padding-bottom:0px; background-image:url(http://i462.photobucket.com/albums/qq345/originalscenesta/black_.jpg) ] we kept it safe and slow It's just the way that we're diseased It's the blade that stains us. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - It had been about a week since the last time that Mila and Lucas had talked. It was a good thing, despite what others might believe. They needed to reflect on things; take a step back from what they were feeling in their more irrational mindsets, to figure out what was truly going on. While Mila didn't want to think on things anymore, she found that she really had no other choice. Too many things had happened; too many questions had been raised, especially in herself. Questions that... she wasn't entirely too sure that she wanted to know the answers to. It had been long enough, with her stewing and dwelling upon her own thoughts. It was time for them to sit down and actually talk about what was going on. A part of her wished that she had the ability to close herself off to him; it seemed as though that ability had gone out the window when he had kissed her back the way that he did. If he would have just continued to treat her like shit the way that she had expected him to, she would be able to move past everything; she would have been able to throw her walls up, without so much as a second thought. But that just wasn't the way of things. Mila had waited until no one else was around, and had started her wash. She snuck into Lucas' room, and stole one of his t-shirts. It was then that Mila had a sudden idea. They wouldn't be able to talk honestly with the other two around... And she certainly wouldn't want them to get any strange ideas. So, she would have to get him when they were alone. And when better than when they were all off doing their own thing in the Ravine? She had written him a note, and laid it down on the counter, directly across the room from where one entered the rig. In big, red letters it said, "I'm waiting in your bedroom. Come find me when you're ready." It wasn't typical of Mila to write notes. In fact, she tended to avoid it, primarily because her writing style was a dead give away to where she was from. While the rest of her traveling companions knew that she was from Russia, she didn't feel the dire need to advertise it, constantly. She slipped up every now and again... Mostly when she was in pain, or when she was frustrated... Or when she had a really good orgasm. Chewing on her lower lip, she pulled her knees up to her chest, waiting for Lucas to walk through the door. Resting her chin on her knee, she let her eyes scan across his room. A part of her wished that she had the strength to crawl into bed with him; to just prove to herself that it was nothing more than a physical attraction that they would both get over in time. But, she knew that wasn't the case, regardless of how much she willed it to be otherwise. Her hair was pulled up in a messy bun, and her face was clean of all make up, save for a bit of liner that she was unable to scrub off. It was almost a testament to the kind of conversation they were going to have. There was no glitz. No glamor. Just the two of them, all but naked in their honesty; in their vulnerability. At least, that was the way that Mila was praying that it was going to go. She... didn't like the idea of having to lie to each other anymore. TAGGING, LUCAS THE MAYBE LOVER. 609. OUTFIT

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[Lucas Karl North]

For as professional as Lucas tried to be about the situation, his thoughts were still a jumbled up mess. He'd left Mila alone to brood over her own thoughts and, admittedly, to give her less of a chance to fly off the handle with him should he say something else that upset her. The jewelery he'd bought was abandoned in his room where he could sit and stare at it to drive himself insane over everything that had happened. Oh, yeah. Life was just that amazing at the moment. Not to mention the way he now questioned his own sanity by going over and over the kiss he'd shared with Mila days ago. What the hell did it all mean? Was..did..did he actually have feelings for her? Deeper than those he allowed himself to initially think he had?

Right now he didn't have a clue. Other than she'd been the only one he'd considered buying gifts for, the only one he'd faced off with some douche-y moron and almost been shot for and the only one he refused to allow to just walk away from him. Obviously that all meant something but, and he knew this already, he wasn't quite willing to make that connection yet. Instead he stole time to himself to brood over it, which was exactly his plan when he'd gone back to the rig. He knew the others were most likely off doing whatever they did, because he'd been out that morning too, so when he stepped back onto the rig and saw the note he was truly surprised. Not only because Mila was still there but the fact she was there, in his bedroom and left a note for him to find.

Had they been on better terms he probably would've assumed it to be another of her teases but he knew it wasn't. That was why he took the time to put away his things while he prepared himself for the conversation they were no doubt about to have. Afterwards he stood outside his bedroom, his hand on the handle, and just paused. He wasn't sure he was ready for this. Wasn't sure he could face her and let her in like he knew she wanted. But what option did he have? If they didn't fix this then..things couldn't move on. They couldn't move on. Allowing himself one final moment to consider running away, he took a deep breath and opened the door to his room.

Lucas couldn't say that he expected what he saw; her dressed in one of his shirts, lacking her usual make up which left her looking, and consequentially making him feel, vulnerable. Looking down to the floor as he closed the door behind him, he leaned back against it for a moment, looking for some form of stability. He wasn't ready for this. "I saw your note." Brilliant way to start the conversation, Lucas. Genius. There was no wonder she often called him dumb and stupid for the amount of times he happened to point out or say the obvious. "I'm guessing you want us to talk again..y'know, without the fighting."

Notes: omnomnom

[Mila Mika Eppolito]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,padding-left:16px; padding-top:0px; padding-right:0px; padding-bottom:0px; background-image:url(http://i462.photobucket.com/albums/qq345/originalscenesta/black_.jpg) ] we kept it safe and slow It's just the way that we're diseased It's the blade that stains us. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Mila was more nervous than she had any right to be. It had seemed like... forever, since the last time she had sat down and talked to someone honestly... About anything. And now, here she was, about to have a conversation with a man about something that had hurt her very deeply. And something that had nearly ruined her. Without the cold demeanor and the icy context in which she always dealt with people she felt... She felt less than fucking human to be honest. This vulnerable creature that Lucas was about to see, wasn't her. Well, it was her. It was... Christ, she was human after all. The realization barely had enough time to set in before the door opened. She saw that it was him, and her mouth opened to speak, but no words came out. She swallowed and watched him, like she had never truly seen him until now. She knew that he was dreading this conversation just as much as she was... And all she wanted to do right now was reach up and touch him; kiss him, like she had the other day. Was this what going mad felt like? No, this is what falling in lov--- Thankfully, he spoke and ripped her away from her thoughts before she got to, as she liked to call it, "the place of no return." She swallowed and watched him, slowly climbing to her feet. Her eyes wouldn't meet his as she picked at her thumbs, uncertainty clear on every single one of her features. She wasn't weak at the moment. Just vulnerable. Mila saw no difference, but then again, she wasn't like the rest of the world. This took a great deal for her, as she was certain with Lucas it had. After all, he was the one that had gotten a divorce before. "I don't want to fight." she managed after a moment of silence. Her brow furrowed as she continued to pick at her thumbs. She looked up at him, her eyes pleading with him to be understanding. To want the same thing as her. "I can't... I can't do this with you anymore, Lucas. I..." She shifted a bit. "I want us to be okay. And I'm coming to you... As a woman. Not your wife. Not as... Me in my bitchiest times... I didn't want you to give me your present while we were fighting. I wanted it to be good... for both of us. If that makes any sense." She swallowed, dropping her gaze once more. TAGGING, LUCAS THE MAYBE LOVER. 424. OUTFIT

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[Lucas Karl North]

He could freely admit that it took balls to be the first one to speak. He had to because he knew the silence would've deafened him. The uncertainty he saw in her was something he knew he mirrored in himself. Christ, he felt like a kid who had to own up for breaking something and he hated it. If he could've stepped back when she got to her feet he would've done.

"I don't want to fight." He'd been watching her up until the moment she spoke, a point which he found he had to look away. He didn't want to fight either and he wanted to tell her that, but his bravado died just like the words on his lips. Instead he just listened to her as she carried on. Lucas didn't think he could've felt any worse than he did but, well, Mila was proving him wrong once again. He felt worse than the dirt on his boots. He'd pushed such a usually strong woman to this..to someone showing such vulnerability and clear hurt as she was now. Did it make him feel more like a man? No, he couldn't say it did.

"When..." He took a breath, glancing at her briefly before looking away again. "When I brought you to the creek I wanted to apologize. I hadn't wanted it to turn into a fight like it did." There was a moment where he was at a loss for what to say and he shrugged his shoulders slightly to betray that fact. "I just wanted you back because I missed you. Too much, maybe."

He didn't know how his admission would go down, especially since he was being bluntly honest, but he didn't want to think about it. He moved to rub the back of his neck then, watching her carefully as if he was genuinely scared of what she was going to say next. This could end terribly actually. Honest wasn't always the greatest thing to be after all and there were still feelings that he hadn't quite come to terms with.

Notes: sadly shorter? D:

[Mila Mika Eppolito]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,padding-left:16px; padding-top:0px; padding-right:0px; padding-bottom:0px; background-image:url(http://i462.photobucket.com/albums/qq345/originalscenesta/black_.jpg) ] we kept it safe and slow It's just the way that we're diseased It's the blade that stains us. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - When... When I brought to the creek, I wanted to apologize. I hadn't wanted it to turn into a fight like it did. I just wanted you back because I missed you. Too much maybe. What hurt was that he said that it was too much. That he had missed her to much. But, she understood why he was saying that. Because, sometimes, she felt the same way. That was one of the reasons that she had left initially. She was afraid of the fact that she cared as much about him as she did... A man that, whose first kiss to her had been one stolen in the heat of an argument... A man who said that he'd take what he wanted. It should've frightened her, to hear a man who had showed her no kindness speak that way. To hear a man who killed and stole for a living, saying that he would have no problem robbing of her what he deemed necessary for himself. She should have thought back to the way that she was raised... How she was nothing more than a child whore, whose legs were spread for whomever deemed that they wanted her. She bit her lip and looked to the side. It took her a few minutes to calm her racing thoughts. She wanted to tell him that he had destroyed her. That the wall that she had put up around herself was now gone because of him. She wanted to scream at him. Shake him. Slap him. She wanted to make him feel the pain that he had made her feel. But that was her selfishness. From the way that he was standing at the moment, she could tell that she had had such an affect on him too. They were broken together. The only question remaining was whether or not they would allow each other to pick up the broken pieces and start putting things back together. "I know what you mean." she said, quietly, looking up at him. "It scares me too, you know." She couldn't believe that she was about to say this. But it was crucial for them; for their understanding of one another. "A part of the reason I left was because you're my only weakness. And I'm scared... I'm scared to death that someone will use you to hurt me... Or worse, that you'll hurt me. I have... every reason to doubt you. To doubt your feelings for me and my feelings for you..." Her voice was quiet, her normally confident alto sounding somber. "But, I don't want..." She took a deep breath, willing herself to actually think before she spoke. "I want us to be alright." she said, for the second time. "I'm not saying that I want a commitment, but I just want you to know how I feel. And..." she blushed and looked to the side. "I know that you feel relatively the same. No man has ever bought me a present before." she confessed. Was this going over as horribly as she thought it was? TAGGING, LUCAS THE MAYBE LOVER. 513. OUTFIT

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[Lucas Karl North]

"It scares me too, you know." He didn't think she was as terrified as he felt right now. This was...exterme. This was scarier than the time he'd proposed to his wife and that was literally the most terrifying thing he thought he could experience. Though when she started to talk about weakness he could've laughed at himself. Alek was always saying that women were a distraction and here he was proving it. Mila was his distraction. His weakness.

He nodded in understanding when Mila told him she had reason to doubt him. It was a fair comment and he wouldn't argue it. He'd treated her terribly, worse than he ever had any right to, and yet..here she was. Giving him an opportunity that not many, if any other, women would. He did feel awkward when she started talking about feelings though, and he looked to the floor as she continued to speak. Lucas couldn't say he was more surprised when she claimed to have never received a gift from a man before. A beautiful woman like herself should've practically been showered in gifts what with the amount of men she had falling at her feet.

"I couldn't give you commitment, Mila, and that's me being honest." He started, looking back to her with nothing but an open expression on his face. "I wouldn't know how to even if I wanted to. But...I care about you. Enough that I'll come and get you when you run away and buy you gifts." He smiled slightly then, shrugging his shoulders fractionally. "Even if you don't accept them."

"Point is..I can't... I don't know what to do. I'm a typical male. I pretty much need to be told what I have to do and what to say before I even think about it." He leaned back again then, using the door to prop himself up while he tilted his head back. There was a pause between them and he sighed, breaking it. "I want you to be around. All the time. I want to kiss you and keep you close but I want to argue with you like we used to. I want to know that, even though there's feelings between us, nothing has changed. I need that...I need that to stay the same."

Notes: omnomnoms

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[Mila Mika Eppolito]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,padding-left:16px; padding-top:0px; padding-right:0px; padding-bottom:0px; background-image:url(http://i462.photobucket.com/albums/qq345/originalscenesta/black_.jpg) ] we kept it safe and slow It's just the way that we're diseased It's the blade that stains us. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A part of her wanted to ask why he couldn't offer her a commitment. Despite the fact that she said that she didn't want one, somewhere, she knew that wasn't true. Probably because, beneath the ice cold exterior, she was still a woman. A woman that needed to feel as though she was wanted. It was weak of her; pathetic. If there was one thing that she had learned throughout life, it was that, to be respected and to be 'cared for' in even the smallest ways, one had to be the dominant one. The one in power. Without that, one was meaningless. Mila had no power over him, therefore, he would never need her. Not in the way that she needed him. But, she didn't ask, despite the fact that it all but physically hurt to bite her tongue about such things. Lucas had no way of knowing what kind of hold he had on her. Beyond that, he hadn't the faintest idea how much she craved him. That he was, the only man that had ever managed to make her feel good about herself; genuinely. But, it was a double edged sword as well. In the same breath, he could elate her, and then break her, as though her feelings were meaningless. But, she nodded, simply, unable to do anything but remain silent... Like she had been in her youth. Looking down at the ground, she listened to the words that he spoke, trying to retain their meaning without allowing them to hurt her. "It's not that I didn't accept them." she said, quietly, her eyes still resting on the floor. "I just didn't think that then was a good time to give me something." she said, slowly dragging her gaze up to him. "I wanted to... Have it happen when we weren't screaming at each other." she said, quietly. Point is... I can't... I don't know what to do. I'm a typical male. I pretty much need to be told what I have to do and what to say before I even think about it. She took a deep breath. Here was her opportunity to be honest with him. It scared her, but she knew that it was something that needed to happen eventually. I want you to be around. All the time. I want to kiss you and keep you close, but I want to argue with you like we used to. I want to know that even though there's' feelings between us, nothing has canged. I need that... I need that to stay the same. Mila swallowed and walked toward him, a broken smile on her lips. "Lucas..." she said, quietly. "Nothing will change," she searched his eyes, taking yet another step toward him. There was a hesitancy in her movements, before she moved her hand up to touch his cheek, much like a lover would. "These feelings have been here all along, and we've continued the way we have. The only difference will be..." she shrugged, "I guess, I won't have to tease you anymore." she laughed, attempting to make light of the situation. "Unless, you want it, that is." She swallowed and let her face fall for a moment, allowing the vulnerability to take over again. "And I want nothing more than for that too. But, I have to ask you for clarification before anything happens... Since we're not committed, what is the rule on sleeping with others? Do you still want to be free to do as you please?" It was safer than asking if he would prefer that she not sleep around, because... Well, she was more than likely to. TAGGING, LUCAS THE MAYBE LOVER. 609. OUTFIT.